Life – Just Another “Long and Winding Road”

Introspection is not for the faint of heart.

I am currently staying in a place that is not my home – at least, not yet, if ever.

Walking with my collie a few days ago, I was just following the sidewalk, pretty much at the same time I would have been walking home from school several decades ago. Thinking back to those days, we often lived as much as a mile or more from my school. I always enjoyed walking. Yet, many days, the trek seemed daunting.

Though I never walked in that proverbial 10 feet of snow, uphill, both ways, the journey had to be made – rain or shine. So, regardless of the distance or weather conditions, my objective was simply putting one foot in front of the other, and following the sidewalk until I made it home to that safe place where I knew my mother and brother would be. Because we frequently moved, my only familiar foundation was wherever my mom and big brother were. Most other places – schools, neighborhoods – all felt somewhat foreign. Maybe it was a sort of coping mechanism – not ever getting completely comfortable, knowing we would soon move. Apparently, I never outgrew that method of coping. I now realize, for the most part, I never get truly comfortable in any environment. I seem to operate on a sort of autopilot, always anticipating that inevitable move or change. Even after living a record-breaking 13 and a half years in one house, going from newlywed to mother of two, I still felt like an outsider. In my defense, it was a community of neighbors who all grew up in that suburb, and went to the same schools. Many even worked in the schools they had attended. Nevertheless, except for a couple of jobs I really loved, I always felt I was on the outside looking in.

One advantage to the relatively nomadic life is it makes a person flexible, adaptable, and accepting of change. Unfortunately, that was probably a necessarily acquired characteristic, not innate, as I tend to be a nester, finding comfort in the familiar.

A scene in the 1983 movie The Big Chill really touched me. After a close encounter with local police, William Hurt’s character (Nick, the drug dealer) questions Kevin Kline’s character (Harold) about his being “friendly with cops.” Harold responds, “…You know, I live here. This place means something to me. I’m dug in…” While I always had pride of ownership in my homes, I can’t honestly say I ever truly felt “dug in.” That is something I would love to experience before my time on earth expires.

Meanwhile, I truly do not know whether I was born a loner or it’s just a finely honed skill. Perhaps, there is a fine line between being lost and actually choosing isolation – whether as a means of coping or a preemptive strategy. At any rate, it may explain why I have always loved the Simon & Garfunkel song “I Am a Rock.”

As much as I relate to that song, I don’t want it on my tombstone. All things considered, I would prefer “Feelin’ Groovy.” 💁🏻‍♀️

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About nancsue

Writer - Former newspaper columnist - lover of all things nostalgic, collies, music, humor, and ever grateful to those who defend American citizens at home and abroad.
This entry was posted in Adulthood, Baby Boomers, Depression, emotions, entertainment, family, Growing up, Humor, movies, Psychology, Success/Failure and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Life – Just Another “Long and Winding Road”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Always enjoy your blogs Nancsue keep them coming
    Thanks Denny

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